End A Relationship – “Look, John, I can’t leave this unsaid any longer.” He was buttering a piece of bread at that moment and slowly put bread and knife down on his plate.
“Leave what unsaid?” he asked, perplexed.
The others around them in the restaurant slowly quieted their own conversations to listen to the unfolding drama.
“But you said you loved me,” he exploded. “Just before we came out, you said…”
“Because…because I felt sorry for you. You had that whipped puppy look on your face again. John, really, I’m sorry, but you’re so…so spineless. I want a real man. Oh God, I didn’t mean that.”
This was better than television. A good meal and entertainment to boot! She threw her napkin on the table, rose to her feet nearly knocking over the chair, grabbed her coat, and rushed out. The man from a dating website was on his feet now, looking as though he’d been hit across the face.
Then, in obvious embarrassment, he quickly looked around, hurried to the head waiter, paid for his meal, and went out into the night.
This story’s based on fact. A friend of mine saw just such a scene many years ago in England. The words aren’t verbatim, of course, but the gist is there. Where do we start naming the faults of this breakup effort? In fact, they can be covered by saying that it was the wrong place, and she panicked.
Breaking up is difficult at best, but it must be done when you’re alone–unless there’s a definite risk of violence, in which case make certain that your brother, father, or some other male friend is on hand, though not in the same room.
Under normal circumstances, though, rehearse what you’re going to say and try to anticipate the re-action. Obviously, this is always tricky, but you should know your soon-to-be ex-partner well enough to have some idea of how they’ll respond.
I think we can be pretty certain that the poor woman in the scenario I’ve described didn’t mean to be so cruel. Everything suddenly welled up inside her, something she’d probably been thinking about for days, and it all came out of her mouth unbidden.
This is another reason why, if you do decide that it’s time to break the relationship, not only rehearse what you’re going to say but do it sooner rather than later. If your union’s wrong for you, then it’s wrong for him. I’m writing this from the woman’s perspective, but of course, it applies in just the same way to a man.
The big no-no is the coward’s way out. Never, never, do it over the phone, by text, or by E-mail. And keep the fact that you’re about to break up with your partner a secret, or at the very most tell a trusted friend. Indeed, it may be a plan to talk it over with such a person first, but for goodness sake doesn’t run the risk of your boy or girlfriend from LetmeDate.com finding out from someone else.
It’s particularly difficult if your partner has a completely different view of the relationship than you. Then it really takes some explaining! A very good idea is to visit Mike Bond’s site, Mending Fences, where you’ll find lots of good advice.